Excerpt from Out of the Depths
When did I first suspect that Helen had been unfaithful. To be honest, I never suspected; I had to catch her in bed with her lover before admitting the truth to myself. I remember coming home unexpectedly to find her in our bed, our marital bed, which is sacrosanct, with Trevor, her boss, of all people! I could not believe Helen could betray me like this, especially after making love to me earlier that morning in the very same bed.
What hurt the most was her lack of remorse. She even laughed at my pain, her hurtful words a floodgate of loathing. While I thought our relationship was fine, and that we would survive the storm, she, on the other hand, was seething with rage and resentment. She was tired of supporting me, physically, mentally and financially. She had had enough, but why did she not tell me. Perhaps she tried, and I did not listen.
You think I was at fault, that my drinking pushed her away, do you not? You have no use for my self-pity, do you? Ah, what makes you so righteous? You think you would have behaved differently. I dare say, not! You would have wallowed in self-pity just like I did, only your way of dealing with your demons might have been different. Instead of alcohol you might have turned to drugs, or threw yourself into your job, or took up religion. How do you know what you would have done until you have actually experienced the pain?
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