Did I mention the word FREE?
Have I emphasised that enough?
This is The Night Porter.
It is the first complete piece of work from Green Wizard/Mark Barry for a year.
It is approximately 250 pages long.
Those who have read the book so far - four people, my most trusted confidantes and allies - have described it as my best written work so far.
They don't bulls**t me either. They give it me good and proper if they think I need it, which is often.
Readers who have read my books, whether they like the stories I come up with or not, universally say I know my way around a keyboard. So that assessment means a lot.
The book is completely accessible.
It doesn't have the dark humour and shocking stories of Carla nor the cynical relationship monologues in Hollywood Shakedown.
It has none of the violence of the two football books - UV and BBVD - and none of the blood-curdling horror of The Ritual.
It is a puzzle, an experiment, an innovation. One of those lithographs of impossible design renaissance tricksters sold on Florence Market.
Every book I write, I try to do something different, something no-one else is doing.
Here's a big (unlike me) boast:
I don't think you will see an Indie published book like this anywhere in Cyberspace. Probably not a tradpubbed one either.
It's set in a hotel, in November, in the fictional town of Wheatley Fields, (based on Southwell, near Nottinghamshire, deep in Sherwood Forest). It is set over two weeks, underneath steel grey clouds of icy rain.
Four writers, all nominated for an upcoming awards ceremony, come to stay. One mega successful romance author, a top US thriller writer who sells in seven figures, a beautiful young YA tyro on the brink of world wide stardom...
...and a degenerate, nasty, bitter, jealous, trollish, drunken (but brilliant), self-published contemporary fiction author.
The eponymous, pseudonymous and anonymous Night Porter is instructed by a secretive and powerful awards committee to look after their EVERY need, to ensure they make it through the two weeks to attend the ceremony.
At the same time as keeping an eye on their wishes, antics, fights, relationships and never-ending ego explosions. And trying desperately to avoid getting involved himself.
It's a comedy drama about writers (and Night Porters!) with twists and turns, nooks and crannies, shadows and mirrors, alongside some of my bizarre preoccupations and obsessions.
It casts a sometimes shadowy light on modern publishing, the writing business - and the people in it.
Writers who like to read about writers and writing will enjoy the book.
They may not AGREE with the comments. In fact, I can think of two comments in there which are going to get us all in serious trouble, but it will make a writer think and react.
I (will) have 25 The Night Porters to give away in PAPERBACK. If you want an e-book instead, let me know. I prefer paperbacks so naturally I assume everyone else does (I'm just kidding, e-pop kids!).
Contact me on any media - FB, Twitter, Comments here - and when it is published, in approximately three weeks, I will POD the first 25 people to respond a copy and send it to your place.
I suggest that this will be in the UK and/or America as I will be doing this through Createspace.
Sorry - I had some trouble before with sending a book to Nepal and it left a lovely reader disappointed.
All I ask in return is that you review it on Amazon US/UK and any blog you have. If you can lend it to a pal after, then all the better. Not arsed about Goodreads.
Incidentally. If you HATE the book and my characters drive you mad, if you don't get past page thirty, if my comments and analyses leave you raging, or you don't think its very well organised, written etc, THEN GIVE ME A 1*.
Did you hear that bit?
A 1* is welcome if you think it is necessary. I won't troll you or comment. I'll just scratch my head like a man in a warm hat.
That is MUCH better than a no review. I am not swapping a book for a 5* review - I am swapping it for a review OF ANY KIND. I firmly believe it is quantity of reviews that is key rather than quality.
There you go, look, an opinion.
Believe me, it'll take you four or five hours to read. It is 250 pages long (ish) and has a magnificent sixties-retro matte Imperial Purple cover designed with Dawn of Dark Dawn Creations and it has been properly edited by Mary Ann Bernal.
It's the most readable and accessible book I have created. Hence the investment (I've been saving).
So. Contact me on FB, Twitter, my e-mail if you have it, or carrier pigeon.
I think you will enjoy the book. I'm hoping so and so are all the characters in the book.
Incidentally, if I am overwhelmed with applicants, which has happened before, I'll just put names in a hat. Ta!